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18 Years, Clean and Sober - Why I Choose To Be Awake

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman


It’s a really big photo, isn’t it? But the message is a big one. And the photo reflects the message so well. My step son Will is to the far left. This man is amazing. He is out there fighting the battle to make people see a truth that is so difficult for so many to see. The kindest soul you’ll ever meet, but the most brutally honest soul who will tell it like it is, knowing it may hurt a little, but realizing in the long run, if you just give yourself a chance to really listen and learn, you’ll be better because of it. The third person from the left is Nathan, my other step son. He is eclectic and esoteric in so many ways. He sees an opportunity, and he’s gotta jump in, no questions asked. Risky? “I’ll do it,” he exclaims….lol. He is just that guy who is not afraid of taking chances and living a fear free life. Keaton is on the far right. This man is amazing, so incredibly smart and responsible. He has taught me so much more about life than I have taught him. He is not afraid to ask for help, when a phone call ends, it always ends with “I love you” - as they all do - because I never stop telling them that I love them. They are all brothers and they love each other so much.


The man to the right of Will is my amazing husband, Mark Zolecki. We’ve had a very interesting life together. Initially, I think we were both REALLY young, never having experienced a relationship where we didn’t have to be independent all of the time. This man treats me like a queen. I mean he just does. He knows who I am. And guess what? He likes me anyway:) A whole lot. We’ve both learned so much about each other. It certainly has not been perfect, but it has been worth it in more ways than one.


This right here is my amazing family. This is the family I have dreamed of having my whole life. My son has brothers - so cool - raised by Mark and their incredible mom, Pam who I feel trusts that I’ll continue loving and caring for her boys since she passed away. Seeing these boys together just warms my soul.


August 6, 2022 marks 18 years since I quit drinking and smoking. I’m not going to make this post long winded and full of revelations that some may or may not read. I’m just gonna say this….


I didn’t know what waited for me after I quit drinking. I couldn’t see that far into the future. What I knew was my health would improve and I’d feel more useful to my friends and family. What I didn’t see was the amazing connections I would make because I decided to really open my mind to thinking with an absolute clear head. Believe me when I tell you, there have been times where I’ve wanted to revert back to that old, “no rules, break everything, hurt everybody, hurt yourself” Rhonda. I know now that the temptations are not because I’m weak - they’re because I’m HUMAN and my traumatic experience is what taught me to find SOMETHING to medicate the memories of the past, and also to medicate the decisions I was making at the time. What my clear head has taught me is I don’t have to feel guilty for being HUMAN; But I have to be responsible for being RHONDA. I have that choice. That comes from not drinking and eliminating an obstacle that I not only allowed, but chose.


This family photo is why I quit. I knew that this could not be obtained if I didn’t. I knew that this kind of happiness was impossible to find if I continued to go down the path I was traveling on.


I would encourage anyone who is on a road of dishonesty and doubt, enabling things in life because you feel you have to, speaking unkindly to yourself and/or others about what you exclaim to be okay in public, trying to find a road to authenticity and honesty….


Eliminate anything in your life that prevents you from doing this. Remove those things that you are conveniently allowing because you feel a sense of obligation and make space in your life room so that you can do the work that is necessary to redecorate your brain with facts about you; not fiction. The photos may be a little skewed as they hang on the wall; some rooms might have a crazy color paint that you didn’t pick; Sometimes the backyard may be the porch. But it’s your room. You can rearrange it anyway you see fit. YOU have that choice to have whatever you want in your room, and to remove whatever is turning your room into a place you no longer want to be sleeping in.


Thank you to all of my friends and family for your help these past 18 years. THIS is the room I’ve always wanted! I love you!

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©2019 by Rhonda Ronsman Speaks, LLC
1655 North Mayfair Road, #26263
Wauwatosa, WI 53226

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