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If You Want a Healthy Body - Start With a Healthy Mind and Spirit

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman

I use this photo at the end of this blog, as crazy big as it is, to explain what I am about to talk about that is so important. This smile, this hair, this skin, this face was non existent just a few years ago. Not because of anything that anyone did. Not because of my past. Not because of health scares - but because I needed to understand some things about myself that went by the way side for far too long. I will explain when I took this photo after I dive a little deeper into what all of this means.


A few years ago, I did have a major health scare. A growth was found on one of my ovaries and immediately, I was referred to an oncologist. I was consumed with thoughts of "what if" and "Oh my God" before seeing the first doctor, hoping that whatever was there would just disappear. It didn't. The first doctor suggested having the ovary removed so that it could be tested to see if it was cancer.


Then, I saw another oncologist who suggested having both ovaries removed. He too said that they could not identify what the growth was and explained the urgency in having surgery to remove my ovaries. I cried, and cried and cried for weeks. However, I accepted that these people are experts at what they do, and have been doing it a long time, so I scheduled the surgery.


2 months went by, and I was two weeks out before the surgery. I decided that I just wanted to schedule one more ultrasound to make sure that this "thing" was still there, but I knew it was going to be there. It was a defeating feeling, but liberating at the same time, having a clear understanding of what I truly could control. This is what brings me into the epiphany that happened on one Sunday afternoon.


I fell asleep and had a really scary dream and woke up in tears and began to sob. I stood in front of a long mirror in my yarn room (those of you who know my obsession with crocheting during the pandemic know how crazy that room is), and I asked myself why I was crying and what I was afraid of.


"I don't want cancer. I really, really don't want cancer."


Then it hit me.


Let's say I don't have cancer - but I'm still riddled with low self esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and chasing after people who have no intentions on waiting for me to catch up. Am I really okay then? Am I not sick if I don't have cancer, but am so unresolved with all of the other stuff and crap that I keep letting in, and that I keep running toward?


I stopped crying. And then I started working on myself.


I realized that I needed to work on the relationship that I ignored for most of my life. The one with myself. I had to become connected to the things that I could change, and the things that I could manage (meaning, there are some aspects of me that are always going to be there - e.g., triggers from alcohol, trauma induced mental setbacks, etc.). I had to be okay with all of it, and stop consenting to being the person that others wanted to turn me into. Thank you Eleanor Roosevelt.


I had my ultrasound that following Friday morning. That afternoon, my oncologist's nurse called me and said "Well Rhonda, we can cancel the surgery. That growth is gone." I took a sigh of relief when I hung up the phone, but I said to myself "Girl, you still have a lot of work to do."


And I worked really, really, really hard.


So now comes the story behind this photo.


First of all, my hair was in well...LOOK AT IT!

That smile.

That face.

That look of finally feeling more than okay being in my own skin.


All after I received my cap and gown in the mail before graduating from college, something that I truly never thought would happen. I worked so hard for that 4.0. And I DID THIS. I had so much help from so many people, but ultimately, I made the decision to stop, take inventory, purge, and move. It was slow going, but my saying holds true: I'd rather move forward at a snail's pace, than backward at any pace.


So no matter how you're feeling today physically, understand that you have a choice to decide how you feel about yourself; about what surrounds you; about what you want and need in life. You can decide what has to happen to achieve what you want, and what you need. You can create the smile, the hair, the presence that becomes authentic to those who you cross paths with. Make the choice today to love, care for, advocate for, embrace, and support YOU...so that when you are making a decision on who the people in your life are going to be, you accept nothing LESS than what you are already giving to yourself.


Make it a fantastic Thursday, stay safe, and remember this saying: No one, more than you, deserves your love and affection. It's when you learn this process that you truly learn how to receive it, and how to give it.


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©2019 by Rhonda Ronsman Speaks, LLC
1655 North Mayfair Road, #26263
Wauwatosa, WI 53226

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