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My Friend, Barbra Neumann

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman

June 11, 2018 is a day I will never forget. 


While at home, early in the morning, I looked on my facebook page and saw a disturbing post. "I am sickened by the lies the Neumann family have told about me. God help them". That quote would come from someone in a local band who was accused of sexually abusing a member of the Neumann family from the BoDeans multiple times. She was a little girl. 


At the time, I was a follower of this musician and had heard bits and pieces of the fight between this musician and the leaders of the BoDeans. When I saw the post, I was just going to make a comment and move on, but as an advocate for sexual assault, abuse, and harassment survivors, I felt compelled to read the story. 


Someone posted the link to the story, and I knew right away, after reading the first sentence, that this young woman was telling the truth. 


There were 369 replies that were given in this post, and I believe around 9 shares. I read every single comment. Out of those 369 comments, 2 - 2 believed what this young girl was saying. Out of all of the comments posted, 0.543% believed what this young woman was saying about a devastating event in her childhood. 99.457% believed that she was lying. They believed she was lying without any proof of her lying, and believed what he was saying…without any proof that he was telling the truth, even though statistically, there is a better chance to win the lottery than for someone to be lying about having been sexually assaulted as a child. It wasn't surprising. When we as survivors speak, we often times stand alone because believing the truth doesn't just require telling it. It requires deep analysis of who you are as a person, and also requires changing certain aspects of your belief center in order for your actions to match what you believe is true or not true. 


When I saw the comments, I immediately became concerned for the woman revealing the story. I also became concerned for her mother. Many of you who know me know that when I want to find someone, I can. When I want to get in touch with someone, no matter how untouchable they may seem, I can find them, and I know how to get a response. So...


I found Barbra Neumann, the young girl's mother and wife of Kurt Neumann, the leader of the BoDeans. 


I called her and left a message not necessarily expecting a phone call back. She did call back. And the first conversation we had sounded like two friends who had known each other for years. There was never a time where I felt "Boy I hope she trusts me". She did right away, and I'm assuming that when she first heard my voice, she didn't feel slighted by what I said to her. That day would start a friendship with this person that outweighs just about any friendship I've ever had. I don't have to be someone else around her, and she doesn't have to modify herself around me either. We often times have said that people who are afraid of strength often times scatter when they see the both of us enter a room at the same time because the power is so palpable that it's hard to be around.


We don't talk every day. Sometimes, because of the tour schedule for the BoDeans, and my schedule, we don't talk for months. 


But when I see a text that says, "How are you doing", from Barbra...I respond, and there isn't a level of believing that somehow, I was doing something to her by not contacting her. She genuinely is concerned about how I am, and just wants to connect. 


I saw this post that she put on facebook this morning that just compelled me to write about the amazing woman Barbra Neumann is. The message had a photo of someone painted with a variety of colors and the words behind it are: 


“If someone doesn't want to see your true colors, it won't matter how authentic you are. Some people see you a certain way because it fits a narrative that they have built. And shattering the illusions that they have constructed around the way they see you would require admitting that they have mishandled you. And that is kind of accountability that they just aren't equipped with.”

— Kalen Dion


I have lived a life of people painting a picture of me that doesn't even look like anything I am. For those who know me, that picture would be unrecognizable. This picture has been shared and some have even added more ugly to it, while sitting with me and exclaiming that this is something they'd never do. Very few look at the picture in the presence of others and counter its deception. They don't tell people when I'm not around that this isn't who she is. However,


Barbra always does. Always. 


Always. She exhibits the same light with others that matches when she is in her own private light, and I am not around. That is why she and I will always be friends and why I appreciate who she is fully, everything that comes with her. 


Through all that has happened since June 11 of 2018, through all of the badgering and hits that she has taken, through all of the abusive language that people have used to describe her, through all of the horrible beat downs that her daughter has had to take from deniers of her abuse...


She keeps going. She stands tall. She advocates. She shows her true colors and doesn't waiver in the face of extreme adversity. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean that what others do doesn’t impact her. But it does mean that she handles it with a truth and an authenticity that I haven’t seen in ANYONE.


Every day, she gives me the power to keep moving. 


Together soon, she and I will have a podcast and the world better get ready. It is going to include a lot of woman strength, a lot of woman bad ass-ness, and a lot of truth. 


Keep going Barbra. Your true colors are beautiful. Like a rainbow. We will find our pot of gold as long as we keep shining. 

 


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Wauwatosa, WI 53226

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