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My Past is a Present - Happy Thanksgiving

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman

Someone told me this after reading "Who Held the Door Open." My past is a present. This is true the more I have had time to think about it.


This year has been a year. It has just been a year. Right when it seemed like I was getting past one situation, another one would creep up and it would be that much more difficult to manage. Absolutely, there were times when I asked myself why I was going through these things. I did feel sorry for myself for a time. That was not weakness; that was called being human.


On this day, Thanksgiving Day, as I sit here with my husband getting up early and talking about everything under the sun as we have a cup of coffee, I am brought to a clear understanding about the things that happened this year and why they took place. I am not a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, however, I do believe that if you allow your brain to take you there, you can find reason within each situation, and understand how those moments need to be understood and weighed. How many times do we tell ourselves "I have bad luck" or "bad things always happen to me" because our car broke down for the umpteenth time, or dinner was burnt, when it was the meal that we really wanted to turn out the right way.


Yet, parents are spending time with kids who are suffering from cancer, and somehow finding joy in the moment, not saying that they have bad luck, but reveling in the fact that they have time to find happiness during such a challenging time. Our past gives us a chance to figure out how to make a present out of your current circumstance, no matter how bad it may feel or seem or be. There is so much you must do to reach that understanding. It requires self-evaluation - your thinking, your surroundings, your choices, what you say about people who you deem to love when those people are not around – all must be evaluated. To find meaning in the present, you must dissect the past openly and honestly.


There are three things that I have found this year that have been pivotal in growing: realization, reflection, and action. In every single situation I have been through this year, there are things within those moments that revealed truth that I did not want to face during it. That was the most difficult part. Truth is exceedingly difficult to face, not because it is the truth and it is painful, but truth requires self-reflection and action. "Why didn't I see this? Did I see it but ignore it? How can I make sure this does not happen again?" The answers to these are: Because I chose not to see it, I did see it and I did ignore it, and I must accept things as they are, and not how I wish they were. The action part is hard. With every single truth, action is required, and the action involves something within yourself that must be challenged. Doing nothing is easy. It is easy to ignore. It is easy to act like you have no responsibility to any given situation.


As I sit here today, I do not see all these things that happened as horrible things. It has been stressful, and it has been difficult, that is no lie. But within these things - the support, the understanding that I am not alone, the new revelations about public speaking, my husband, my sons, my friends, my family - no one judged. No one told me I was weak. No one asked me why I did the things I did or did not do the things I should have done. No one told me to stop crying. They listened, they hugged, they supported, they believed me, and they gave me sound advice, not to make me feel some sort of obligation to them for what they did, but to give me an avenue to a better life that I was having a really tough time seeing.


I also am understanding some things that have happened that are very poignant.


I am scheduled to graduate from college next year with my Associates in Business Administration. Through horrible COVID, and tears, I authored papers and made sure that I maintained my 4.0 average. I took my past, and I turned it into a present. I listened to little girl Rhonda, teenage Rhonda, 20's, 30's and 40's Rhonda and I made the decision to do things differently. To deal with the pain, which is the true emotion that is underneath anger. I did things completely differently than how I would have done them long ago because even though I was hurting deeply, I wanted to make sure that I did not intentionally inflict harm on anyone else.


Last - when someone crashed through my fence this past summer and called me that vile name was a devastating moment in time and was so traumatic, I cannot put it into words.


I filed for a restraining order against the man who crashed into my fence. At the court date, the judge asked to see the recording of him calling me the "n" word and she wanted to see the crashed fence and the car crashed into my home’s foundation. When she started playing the tape, and I heard him say "She's a f---ing n--ger!", I began to sob uncontrollably in court. I cried like this in the tape as well. But this cry was different. I was not crying because I was being called that name. I remember standing there and hearing him scream that out, and the anger he felt as he did it. I wanted to respond, like I did in my past. I wanted to fight back physically, like I did in my past. But all I saw were the kids standing there trying to figure out what was going on. I saw all the people standing around who could have been hurt if I responded in kind. All I truly could do was cry. All that deluge of the entire year came spilling over and I could not stop it. I realized how much I had changed. How much the greater good had been ingrained in me. I realized that while the things I do may make some people uncomfortable and unhappy, my thoughts on how what I do impact more than just me is more important than some who may feel uncomfortable with the extra steps I take to protect more than just myself. That is the present that I have received from my past. Even though I was not protected from the elements the way I should have been, I did not grow to only protect myself. I grew to an understanding that I have a responsibility to everyone who surrounds a situation that requires action. Sometimes that action hurts. But if I do nothing, so many more will be hurt. For me, that is unacceptable. I have lost a lot making this choice. But knowing that I could have helped others avoid harm, and I did nothing to prevent it would destroy me. Knowing that I have grown to have this kind of care, that I would be willing to let go in order to achieve the greater good, is a blessing that I am most thankful for.


Today, I am so grateful. I have serious challenges ahead of me. There are many logs in the fire, some that need the flame to be tamed, and some that need some rekindling. But I am confident that the joy I find in sitting down on my couch this morning and writing this in the warmth, love, safety, and friendship that I have found in my life is something that I hope everyone has, and if you don’t have it, I wish nothing more than for you to find it.


May this holiday season fill each one of you with the understanding that change can only happen if you first accept that it needs to happen, and you act. It is not spontaneous. Sometimes, you should make a move. If the worst that can happen is nothing, imagine knowing that you are 100% guaranteed that nothing will happen if you choose to do nothing. In order to be a beacon of light, somebody has to make the choice to turn it on.


Be that light in someone’s darkness. The people we come across at our jobs, at a grocery store, in school…no matter where….these places are moments that are meant for us to shine that light in someone else’s world who is looking for a better way. Give someone else the opportunity to be thankful by being the first to shine the light. Eventually, everyone will catch on. Then there will be no reason for people to not see a road that leads to joy. Thank you to everyone who shone your light during a very dark time.


Happy Thanksgiving!


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1655 North Mayfair Road, #26263
Wauwatosa, WI 53226

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