
It has been interesting, from a psychological prospective, reading all of the different commentaries from friends and non-friends on social media, movie stars and entertainment folks, about popular stars who have been accused of sexual assault. I read information from a fan that said Wade Robson, one of the boys who accused Michael Jackson of sexual assault, was proven to be a liar, because Wade sent an email some years ago to a friend of Michael Jackson, wanting to dance in Cirque de Soleil. Wade wasn't given that chance, so according to this fan, this PROVES that Wade was upset about not being given this opportunity, so, he started a documentary with another friend as revenge, detailing incredible, disgusting moments of abuse, well...because he didn't get his chance to dance in Cirque de Soleil. He's lost a ton of other opportunities because of this as well. Wade has directed music videos and world tours for pop artists such as NSYNC and Brittany Spears, and had tremendous success in other areas....but he decided to come out with this story because, well, he was mad about Cirque de Soleil.
Barbra Streisand came out this weekend with a story in Vanity Fair, stating, "His (Jackson's) sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has." She added, "You can say 'molested', but those children, as you heard say, were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn't kill them." One person posted a joke on facebook about the woman who finally was able to take Bill Cosby to court, stating "Why would Bill Cosby want to rape that 'man'. When I made a comment about it, she posted something else stating that people need to calm down. It was a joke.
I've heard people put this level of what victims are supposed to feel when they're assaulted, stating that if one experience is not as violent or bad as the other, it shouldn't be that big of a deal, whereas, we know that a person who is touched may experience tremendous trauma, but a person who may experience extensive abuse, has challenges as a result, but is able to thrive. What I've found is it is all relative. There is no person I have met who is a survivor who has ever said to me "I don't understand why you feel the way you do" or "can you explain why you feel that way?" When I provide public speaking services, I can tell who the survivors are. When I mention symptoms that some may not have ever thought about, or some who have not revealed their abuse didn't think they had, I see heads nodding, I see looks of "wow", I see some who put their faces in their hands, and some who cry, while trying to hide their tears. The main thing that every single person in every single audience has is...
They are all somebody's child, and most of them have their own children.
When speaking to someone who once made these comments in a private message, I was trying to explain to him why the comments made from Donald Trump on that bus were so traumatizing to people like me. The fact that he said them was bad enough, but the fact that so many people made excuses for it, called it "locker room talk", hurt even more. It validated that people had no support for anyone who would be put in that situation, so much so, that he is now our president. And let me mention that it was the same situation with Bill Clinton.
We went back and forth on the subject...until I put a scenario in front of him. I said to him "Imagine that those awful things he said on that bus were said about your daughter. Let's imagine that your daughter wanted to date this man, and wanted you to meet him, and those things that Donald Trump said about that woman were said about your daughter on video and shared with a ton of people. What would you do? Would you let this man in your house? Would you allow him to date your daughter? Would you tell her "don't worry about it honey. It's just locker room talk." I told him that he now made this okay to be eventually said to his daughter. He could not ever come back to her if she was in this situation and talk about his disgust with this person, when he voted for someone who did the same thing.
His honest response to me was "Oh my God. What have I done."
The most ironic statement that existed in "Leaving Neverland" was when Wade Robson's sister was crying and saying how she blamed the other victims, before being made aware of what happened to her brother, in trying to get money from Michael Jackson, and how they were all liars...until this happened to HER family...and now, what she put out there, is coming back to her. Because now it's HER brother. Now it's HER family.
Why are we so blind to seeing that the possibility of this being your child is that much more evident because of how we currently treat victims of sexual assault? We pick and choose, based on our beliefs and situations, on when it's just a "phase" or a "problem". I see people who HATE Donald Trump for his past discretion with women, but make excuses for Bill Clinton's behavior, and vice versa. I see families caught up in a person being blamed for sexual assault, victim shaming the person whose been abused, and protecting the perpetrator. We see people now blaming the system for being unfair because Bill Cosby, R. Kelly and Michael Jackson are being accused of terrible sexual assault crimes, but they're black...so they're wondering why black men are being charged, but white men are not. Black men are not being charged. Pedophiles and sexual assaulters are. If they're in jail right now for any reason, it's because they are sick men who prey on children and people. Pedophiles, specifically, understand a criteria of things when it pertains to their victims:
1) They can be easily manipulated with gifts and fairy tale feelings;
2) Families and the kids have to be groomed in order for the abuse to take place;
3) Pedophiles generally set up their space in the community as philanthropists and givers to take the "scent" off of their behavior that may come to light later;
4) Pedophiles tell their victims that no one will believe them, will blame them, and that they can ruin themselves, their families and their perpetrator if they ever tell;
5) Pedophiles continue YEARS of manipulating and controlling the people around them to ENSURE that if the story comes out, their victims will never be believed;
6) Pedophiles understand that kids, at the time of their abuse, do not even realize they've been abused, and at times feel that there is nothing wrong with what happened as long as the perpetrator continues to gift them and make them feel special;
7) Pedophiles know that it takes YEARS before kids even realize what happened to them, and that the statute of limitations will most likely run out, keeping them safe from prosecution;
8) Pedophiles know that PROOF is impossible (except for R. Kelly's case in his videotapes), because the abuse happened so long ago, that any DNA, and other evidence is impossible to validate, AND;
9) Pedophiles know that WHEN the victim comes out to tell their story, and all of the victims fears are realized (i.e., what the pedophile said would happen if they told, not being believed, being blamed and ostracized), the perpetrator stays in control by being able to continue to abuse and manipulate the victim with the control they have over their fans, communities, people in power, and their family.
So, when we continue down this path of believing that this is not my child, therefore, it's not my problem - eventually, it is going to be your child. The perpetrator won't be in a black suit with horror make up on. It can be anyone you trust, anyone in your family, anyone in your surroundings. If we continue to make this epidemic, somebody else's problem, eventually, it will be your problem. Pedophiles know that they have more opportunity to abuse and get away with it, than your child has to be believed and helped. That is a damn shame.
What will you do if it is your child? What will you do when you're accused of lying? How will you view victims who come out?
I loved Michael Jackson. I enjoyed Bill Cosby and his talks about how to improve our black community. I never was a huge R. Kelly fan, but I never gave as much thought to his misdeeds until I saw "Surviving R. Kelly." I really enjoyed Kevin Spacey. I loved Harvey Weinstein's movies. I was friends with Sam Llanas and enjoyed his music as well. They gave to the world, they provided amazing music, they talked about making the world a better place. They did all of those things.
That art, and that manipulation allowed them to continue their abuse of children and women. They have done all of those things, but they were also pedophiles and violent sexual assaulters. All of their actions happened to somebody's child.
How many times are you going to continue to make excuses for this behavior, so that we give more avenues for this to eventually happen to your child?
コメント