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The Last Two Weeks - The Power of Focus, Truth and Love

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman

The last two weeks have truly been the hardest weeks of my life. No other way to describe it. 


On September 2nd, my husband and I had a devastating experience with my 87-year-old mother. It doesn't serve my mother well to share what happened because it wasn't her fault. But it was horrible. 


As I began to navigate what to do for my mom in the first week that she was in the hospital, I became her POA for both her healthcare and finances, something that everyone from the outside said was going to take me months to achieve. A lot of phone calls, a lot of visits, and a lot of hang-ups and no help, but finally help. I spent 12 hours a day with my mom, I lost my job. A job that I loved, and a job that I believed in, but a job that had a boss who was crass, cold, and just for lack of a better description mean. I received several phone calls while caring for my mother about this person being upset that I asked if I could miss a meeting so that I could be with my mom. He told me that he was not going to "release me" from that duty, and then became very upset when I explained that I had an appointment at Cancer Treatment Centers Of America stating "Oh, you will go to that appointment, but not this appointment." I was let go on Tuesday of this week; At a time when support, care, and financial help were essential to me being able to care for my mom.


That was hard. It was really, really hard. It was something I didn't expect, and something that I thought this person could never, ever do. 


But I got up the next morning and kept going. 


As the week with my mother progressed, I found myself being thankful for the devastating events that happened around my job. I was able to properly care for my mom without being fearful of what would happen at a job that wasn't for me in the first place, and I was able to talk to supporters and mentors about what the next step should be. I got my mother's insurance together; I got documents signed and notarized. I worked with the nursing and doctor staff at the hospital to help manage my mother's dementia (Thank you Alverno for the Music Therapy training with dementia patients), and...


I started my business, created my logo, got my website domain name, got my email address, my business phone number, and am now building my website. Today marks a little over two weeks since my mom entered the hospital. 


The most important part of this story? How this moment helped me see things differently and how it helped me gain a better relationship with my mother – and myself. 


I have seen her every single day since she entered the hospital. She has shared stories with me that I never knew and has given me insight I never had - or perhaps at times, never listened to for a variety of reasons. She is thankful for the help she is now getting and is looking forward to her "new" life at 87. When I was visiting her last night, she said to me "Nicky (that is what my family calls me), I am much better. I love seeing you every day, but you go home and go to sleep and take care of yourself. I'm okay and happy." 


As I drove home last night, it began to rain so terribly hard. Yesterday was filled with a lot of joy. My grandson is coming into the world in December, and the baby shower was yesterday. It has been rare that I am at a location where there are a ton of people, and I feel nothing but being welcomed and loved, and I show love and welcome. Seeing how happy my stepson is, watching my husband as he looks on at how proud he is of his son, watching my soon to be daughter and law (she will be) and seeing how happy she is, and how she and my stepson look at each other was just beautiful. 


I thought about the past two weeks as I parked my car in the rain. I couldn't see out of my windshield it was coming down so hard. I didn't feel scared as the hail pelted the body of my vehicle. I wasn't shaking as I felt the wind blow and watched the trees sway back and forth. I just reveled in life and felt so thankful. A friend told me this week to not let anyone's thoughts of who I am impact who I become and to always realize that my soul is mine and no one else’s. I sat there in my car feeling that amazing rain wash away so much doubt, so much pain, so much insecurity, so much anxiety - and I felt nothing but gratefulness. 


There are three things I focused on this week...

1.     Focus - Everything that I did this week could have been intentional in causing harm to others. I could have done many things that would have been completely against the universal process I take when making decisions. I always ask myself what I am trying to accomplish, and will what I WANT to do or say, be a part of accomplishing that goal? I stayed focused on what was most important - taking care of myself and my mom. Not taking care of my job; not focusing on other things but taking care of myself and my mother. A lot of truths became apparent in this process. 


2.     Truth - What people don't understand about truth is, that an unpleasant truth does not equal a less truthful statement. Because a person or people don't like what they hear, it doesn't make the truth less valid. The truth is the truth. It stays where it starts and can only be hidden by a person or people who don't want to face it, or by those who have faced it, but find it more convenient to be a naysayer. The truth about what was is what helped me deal with what is supposed to be. I lost my job, but I gained myself back. I lost a financial safety net but only temporarily – I was able to start my own business and already have my first client. It hurts what happened - that's the truth - but it won't be a hindrance - that also is the truth. 


3.     Love - The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself. If you do not love and understand all that comes with you, and you don't treat yourself and your body with the respect it deserves (I don't drink or smoke because they are both poison - period), you will treat others the way you feel about and treat yourself. I don't do to others what I wouldn't want done to me, or anyone I love. When you love yourself fully, and you really understand what that feels like, you want that for everyone you come across, no matter how they treat you or how they treat themselves. It doesn't always work - but it's something I will never separate from. 


So...what is the lesson in all of this? 


It's not life that is unkind - it is the way we choose to live and treat each other. It has been a very hard two weeks but most things that are life-changing for the better are hard moments to face. 


I thank all of my supporters, my friends, my family, my husband, my mentors, my kids, and my professional connections for keeping me above water. 


Last - this is going to seem weird to some. 


When you have people who keep you above water, they are not there to jump in and save you. Sometimes, you are drowning. Sometimes, you have a very hard time staying afloat. 


True supporters and friends don't think about themselves. They jump in the water, and instead of grabbing you, they swim and take the time to show you how to swim. It must be hard for them to watch you struggle, but they know that this won't be the only time you'll feel like you’re drowning, so they want to make sure the next time, you'll know how to ride the waves and continue to move forward. That's what the wonderful people in my life have done for me these past two weeks - with focus, truth, and love. 


I'm looking forward to this next chapter with my mom. I'm looking forward to being a grandmother. I'm looking forward to starting my business. 


I'm looking forward to a new life with all of you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this journey with me and allowing me to be Rhonda. 

 

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©2019 by Rhonda Ronsman Speaks, LLC
1655 North Mayfair Road, #26263
Wauwatosa, WI 53226

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