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What's Clear Is What Side Most EVERYONE Is On When It Comes To Sexual Assault

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman

Yesterday, I mistakenly turned on CNN to see what everyone's thoughts were on Joe Biden. I had gone through a myriad of disappointing 'conversations' with democrats and democratic legislatures on what was reported by now two women about inappropriate behavior from Joe Biden. One person told me that I better watch my mouth. Another person told me that it was impossible that I was ever a victim of sexual assault, because my words say otherwise. One person told me that this was just another Al Franken thing that the republicans are trying to put out there to destroy Joe Biden. When I asked the former legislature if she believed Trump's and Michael Jackson's accusers, she answered that she did. I then asked her "Why do you believe their accusers, with nothing to go by but their word, but your response to Joe Biden's accusers is "I'm not buyin' it? Why do you believe a woman who said she was inappropriately touched by Trump on an airplane, no proof, no way of ever proving it, but you don't believe this woman at all?" She actually told me that she doesn't know why she wastes her time talking to people on Facebook who she doesn't know. A democratic legislature. Who works for us. Doesn't know why she's talking to people she doesn't know.


Why were there three commentators on CNN, one of whom wrote an op-ed about having been sexually harassed, stating that they once were hugged and kissed by Joe Biden and didn't feel it was inappropriate at all? The one who wrote the op-ed said that we can't call this assault and we are being inappropriate if we do so. Ana Navaro, who I used to be a fan of, stated that this is unfair to Joe Biden. Then one of the women said that she does believe that Joe didn't intend for these advances to be sexual in nature, but that they were clearly inappropriate. So they're clearly inappropriate, but he didn't mean it to be that way. How does that even make any damn sense?


As an advocate for survivors, I don't pick and choose. When the story came out about Sam Llanas, I immediately believed Tessa based on what I knew about survivors when they tell their story. I believe the women who say they were sexually harassed by Bill Clinton. I believe the young men who came out to tell their story about Michael Jackson. I believe Anita Hill. I believe Kavanaugh's accuser. I believe victims of sexual assault.


I spoke to my husband this morning at length about his, asking him if I was blowing things out of proportion. My husband stated something very poignant to me.


He said that if he was at a party, and hugged someone inappropriately, there are two ways that an answer to a question of whether he did something inappropriate would go. Either he did something inappropriate or he didn't. He would never say "I don't believe I did." Either he did or he didn't. He told me that once he saw Joe Biden's response of, he knew right away that he was guilty.


I was done with CNN last night after I saw those three commentators. For anyone to sit on a panel and tell other women who are clearly putting themselves on the chopping block that they don't have a right to define their experience; that well because THEY'VE never experienced this from Joe Biden, no other woman probably has either and that this is so unfair to poor old Joe, shows the total disconnect in our society from how survivors are treated, and how mainly men in power are symbolized as the victims. Men in these positions are put in this arena to continue their behavior, not because of what THEY do, but because of what society does. R. Kelly has been successful for all of these years because of the complicity of his record companies, his fans, and his loved ones. Bill Cosby was able to sexually assault countless women for years because of how we allowed him to continue. Harvey Weinstein was allowed to continue, even though movie stars made JOKES about his behavior. This is not about a fight against white or black men, or a fight against keeping democrats or republicans out of office, a reason to gain more money from people people.


This is a fight for victims to have a voice against these oppressors in power. Every time we make an excuse for a perpetrator, we open the door the them to cross another line, if they haven't crossed that line already. Then, when the full disgusting "Jerry Sandusky" story comes out, we're all shocked. We are all horrified. We stop buying their records, and stop attending their speeches...maybe. Until the uproar dies down, and then we find another guy to support, until it gets too bad for us to support them any longer.


I would be amiss to leave out the possibilities of what I would do if I had a daughter, and she came to me with a story of having been touched or kissed inappropriately by Joe Biden. What would I tell her? "It's not the bad honey...he just touched you." or the all too famous one I've heard lately "Well, compared to what happened to Weinstein's victim's, yours isn't that bad." or...the best of all of them - "At best honey, he was a little inappropriate, but I totally wouldn't say it was assault."


And then we wonder why victims wait so long. We wonder why women have no voice. We wonder why Donald Trump won.


I am on the side of victims. No democrats. Not republicans. Not independents. Not the church, not black men, or white men, or women...I am on the side of VICTIMS. and it is clear to me that this is a fight with few people who are on our side. But that's okay.


The fights in this life that have been won started with the few. And that is better than nothing. I will always advocate for victims. Shame on those of you who pick and choose to advocate for based on an agenda.


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