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Hope Has a Name - Why Ronsman Is Back

Writer's picture: Rhonda RonsmanRhonda Ronsman

"A name pronounced is the recognition of the individual to whom it belongs. He who can pronounce my name aright, he can call me, and is entitled to my love and service." - Henry David Thoreau


There have been a lot of questions about my last name. I’ve had 4 of them if you can believe it. When I was a child, it was Rhonda Richardson. When I was in high school, it was changed to my dad’s last name, which is Ronsman. When I married Zoy, my last name changed to Begos. When I married Mark, my last name changed to Rhonda Begos-Zolecki.


And then, last year, my husband and I had a very deep conversation about identity. We talked about what our names really mean, what they stand for, and how we identify ourselves by it. I think each of those last names had a personality attached to it, that wasn’t the same personality as the last name before it. I believe now that the reason for this is because I felt if it was someone else’s last name, I had a responsibility to be that name. This came with a ton of pressure and fear. I was always afraid with those names that I somehow would disappoint or not own up to what that name represented.


I had considered changing my name back to my maiden name Ronsman for about the past 3 years. My name changed officially on February 28 of 2004 when I married Zoy. That Rhonda was a smoker. She also was a problem drinker and had not yet gotten help for things that happened in her past. August 5, 2004 would be the day that the smoking and drinking would end, but not as Rhonda Ronsman.

My husband Mark looked at me and told me that he would completely understand if I wanted to change my last name back to Ronsman. He told me that no matter what my name is, I still represent all those things he fell in love with.


So I began the process. I filed the paperwork. I got all my documents together. I gathered all of what I needed for my court date that was scheduled, so I could make sure that it would be complete. I wrote down all the things I’d need to change, and how to change them. I was dedicated to doing it, not just because I wanted to, but because I had so much support.


On my court day, I was the only one in the court room. The judge came in and asked me some questions about my life – who I was and why I wanted to change my last name. I put my head down, and I said to him “Rhonda Ronsman never had a chance. I never gave her a chance to be that wonderful person that I know she can be. With the last names I’ve had in my life, I thought that those names would give the opportunity to become someone new; to be accepted as someone different than what I believed myself to be. My husband confirmed for me that I didn’t need to do that because Rhonda Ronsman was good enough.” I began to sob and told him “I just want Rhonda back.”


He set forth the order for the name change and I literally felt like I had just been born. I felt like I could be myself. I felt like I could speak my truth without fear of embarrassing anyone else’s legacy. I could live my best life “as is.”


My husband and I are FAR from getting divorced. We are more in love now than we’ve ever been. Marriage comes with its challenges, but love grows when you grow together, and we are most definitely doing that. My name changed because I changed. I understood for the first time that Rhonda Ronsman deserved a place. My name change is giving her that place.


I remember watching the 10 commandments some years ago and listening to Moses ask the burning bush who it was speaking through it. “I am that I am” was the response. That made no sense to me.

Now it does. You don’t have to name anyone. The person who speaks is who they are, and THEY choose to be that. You can either accept it or not. But that is the truth.


I cannot wait until I have my first public speaking experience where I say “My name is Rhonda Ronsman, and I am happy to be here with you today.” That’s real. That’s a blessing.


That’s me:) I am happy to have her back in my life:)



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1655 North Mayfair Road, #26263
Wauwatosa, WI 53226

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